


Matter of National Security

by Cam719



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Political
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-17
Updated: 2009-08-17
Packaged: 2019-05-15 10:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14789066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cam719/pseuds/Cam719
Summary: Josh has a little trouble with airport Security





	Matter of National Security

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Title: Matters of National Security  
Author: Cathy Miller (www.cathyswestwing.com)  
Timeline: During the Santos administration. Josh and Donna have just resigned their  
positions in the White House.

A/N: We were on our way to Disneyworld when my 13 year old daughter got pulled out  
of the security line for a ‘random search’ due to perfume in her carryon bag, so…

 

“I’m sorry?”

“I said you need to remove your shoes, sir.” TSA Officer Martin repeated.

“My shoes?” Josh repeated. That couldn’t be right.

“Yes, sir.” The officer confirmed. “You need to remove your shoes and place them in a  
bin to go through the X-ray machine.”

Josh chuckled. “This is a joke right?”

“Josh, just take off your shoes.” Donna already had hers off and placed in a bin behind  
him.

“Why do I have to take off my shoes?” He demanded.

“You’re not being singled out, sir, everyone is required to…” The officer began.

“Ignore him. He’s been spoiled for far too long.” Donna advised and skipped ahead of  
Josh in the security line and pushed her bin into the X-Ray machine.

“Spoiled?” Josh repeated.

“Yes, spoiled.” Donna confirmed before walking through the metal detector. “If you  
haven’t been on Air Force One you’re way has been cleared for you by your detail.  
Now that golden age is over and you have to travel like the rest of us mere mortals.”

Josh started to follow Donna through the metal detector to continue the argument but  
the officer placed a hand on Josh’s chest to stop his motion. “Your shoes, sir.”

“Oh, come on…” Josh rolled his eyes. “What are you looking for in my loafers?”

“Sir, everyone is required to…”

“Is there a problem here?” Another officer joined them; this one had a gun.

“I’ve asked this gentleman to remove his shoes three times and he refuses to  
cooperate.” Martin reported.

“I didn’t REFUSE to cooperate. I just didn’t believe that you were asking anyone to do  
anything as stupid as take off their shoes in some sort of pretense at security.”

“Sir, you’re going to have to remove your shoes to run through the screener or you’ll  
be escorted out of the security line and into a holding cell for questioning.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Josh chuckled but the two men in front of him didn’t  
appear to be in any sort of teasing mood. “Fine. You want shoes. You can have  
shoes.” Josh leaned down and pulled his shoes off before handing them to Officer  
Martin. He hadn’t even wanted to go to freaking Texas to begin with. Now he had to  
deal with these two morons! “Two men’s shoes. Happy now?”

“Thrilled.” Martin replied and stuck them in a bin to send through the machine.

“What’s next? Copies of my dental records to confirm that the metal in my mouth is a  
result of cavities and not terrorist plot?” Josh taunted.

“Terrorism is not a joking matter, sir.” The second officer told him.

“I think I know that far better than you do, Officer.” Josh shot back. “I can’t tell you how  
many nights I lost sleep over how things might be slipped through airport security.”

“Excuse me?” Martin replied.

“That’s my beef with the shoe thing.” Josh explained. “It looks all tough on terrorism  
and everything, but it’s just window dressing.”

“You think it is?” Martin asked suspiciously.

“I KNOW it is.” Josh expounded. “Nine out of ten trials, undercover travelers were able  
to smuggle illicit items through security without any trouble.”

“Really?”

“Yes!” Josh exclaimed. “My wife over there had to pack her perfume in her suitcase  
because of that stupid ‘no liquids more than 3.4 ounces’ rule. But there would be  
nothing stopping me from carrying 5 times that amount in something plastic in my  
pockets!”

“Are you carrying liquids in your pocket, sir?” Martin asked.

“No, of course not, but that’s my point.” Josh continued seemingly unaware of the  
growing crowd. “A terrorist would lie about it and the metal detector here wouldn’t alert  
you to anything carried in plastic.”

“You’ve given this a great deal of thought.” The second officer decided.

“You have no idea.” Josh scoffed. “I know you people mean well and the general public  
likes to see this whole dog and pony show, but the reality of it all is that none of this  
makes you any safer from someone with the knowledge and the determination to blow  
up one of these planes. I could smuggle in a knife, or a chemical weapon of some kind  
it without any problem.” There was an audible gasp from a woman behind him and Josh  
realized he might have gotten a little carried away with his rant.

“Sir, I’m going to ask you to step out of line with me here.” Officer Martin requested.

“Hold on.” Josh held his hands out in front of him. “I took my shoes off. I’m cooperating.”

“You just made a veiled threat to the safety and security of the planes at this airport.”

“I did NOT!” Josh insisted. “I was stating a hypothetical. Do you know what a  
hypothetical is or is that too big a word for someone with your skill set?” Josh snarked  
as the officer took him by the arm.

“Gee, maybe. How is your reading? Or is reading too difficult for someone with your  
skill set?” Martin asked and pointed to a sign next to the security screening station  
warning that any jokes about weapons or threats would be treated seriously for the  
safety of all passengers.

“I wasn’t making a joke.” Josh raised his voice. “Do you have any idea how many hours  
I’ve devoted to serious scrutiny of airport security?”

“Yeah…we’re going to need to ask you some questions Mr…Lyman, is it?” Martin  
asked reading Josh’s boarding pass.

“My flight leaves in 40 minutes!” Josh pointed out.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not going to make that flight.” Martin replied. “By the time we get  
you fingerprinted and…”

“Fingerprinted!” Josh squeaked.

“To positively ID you, sir. It’s all a routine matter of National Security.” The second  
officer provided.

“Donna!” Josh called out in desperation.

“Joshua! What have you done?”

“I just pointed out some of the flaws in the system here, and…”

“Oh for God’s sake! When are you going to learn to keep your smart mouth shut?”  
Donna sighed. “Officer, where are you taking my husband?”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re going to need to take him down the hall to verify his ID and  
ask him a few questions. You can wait outside the office if you’d like.”

“That won’t work at all.” Donna shook her head and leaned toward Josh. “If I find out  
you did this to try to get out of traveling to Texas…” she warned.

“Ma’am, we have no choice, we have to question him about the veiled threats he made  
about sneaking things through security.” Martin explained.

“Well, you’re going to have to explain that to President Santos.” Donna shrugged.

“President Santos?” Martin repeated and threw a startled look at his partner.

“Yeah…you’ve heard of him?” Josh asked. “I only ask because until a few days ago, I  
served as his Chief of Staff. We’re traveling to Texas today to join him and his family  
on a short vacation.”

“You do look kind of familiar.” Martin noted and looked Josh’s papers over again.

“You probably don’t recognize him because he’s not shouting at Republican’s on a  
Sunday morning show.” Donna offered. “Go ahead, honey, do a rant for them on  
Republican trickle down economic policy or something.”

“Donna…” Josh growled.

“Don’t raise your voice to me, Josh Lyman. If you’d just done what they asked you to in  
the first place and taken off your damn shoes then we wouldn’t be in this mess and I  
wouldn’t have to call the First Lady of the United States to tell her we’re going to be  
late to her barbeque because you just had to lecture the TSA guys on the inadequacy  
of airport security measures!” Donna shouted and Josh stood there with his mouth  
gaping open along with the two TSA officers.

“Uh…” Martin stammered. “I really do need to follow procedure and…”

“Of course you do.” Donna nodded her understanding. “He’s an impossible ass and he’  
s pushed your buttons. Who would understand better than I? Luckily for you, you only  
have to deal with him for this short time period. I have to live with him.”

“Donna!” Josh objected.

“I feel for you.” Martin sighed.

“I know. Now I have to call the President and First Lady and tell them we’ve been  
detained because of his egomaniacal need to prove he’s right and your need to follow  
procedure.” Donna shook her head again. “Then the President is going to get pissed  
at you guys when it was really his fault all along.” Donna jerked her thumb at Josh. “I’ll  
get a migraine and you two will lose your jobs all because Josh Lyman decided to make  
a point.”

“Maybe…uh, maybe there’s some other way we could handle this, huh Jim?” Martin  
turned to his partner who had turned very pale.

“Could you? Could you really?” Donna gave them both grateful looks. “That would  
save all of us from unimaginable consequences! You can call the White House and ask  
for the head of the Secret Service.” She suggested. “They can talk you through  
whatever you need to do so we’re all off the hook.” She rattled off the number and the  
TSA officers had a short, enlightening conversation with the Secret Service before  
sending the Lymans on their way to Texas.

“Thank you both SO much. You do a fabulous job keeping us all safe, gentlemen.” She  
beamed at them and started to lead Josh away from the security checkpoint. “Oh, wait!  
One more thing.” She lifted a finger in the universal sign for ‘one minute’ and leaned  
over the security desk to rip off a small piece of tape before affixing it to Josh’s mouth  
to the applause of their fellow passengers. “That should solve all our problems.”

“Mrmbmblmmmmmm!” Josh protested again but did not go so far as to remove the  
tape.

“Not one word, Joshua. You almost got us arrested.” Donna warned him. “If you’re  
VERY good. I’ll take it off when we’re in the air…maybe.” She dragged him to their  
gate. “Keeping your mouth closed is now the only matter of national security you need  
to be concerned with from now on.”

The end.


End file.
